His smooth velvety voice whispered, “Come closer baby.” I felt his warm kisses on my ear, moving down my jaw to my neck. His hands wound tightly in my hair, gently pulling. He knew just what turned me on.
His mouth began to move more eagerly down my neck as he quickly lifted me up to remove my shirt. He did it effortlessly, as if he had done it a million times before. He reached behind me, and with a quick flick of the wrist, removed my bra, which was now strewn on the floor with my shirt. He slowly moved his soft, warm kisses from my neck down to my breasts, where he began sucking and nibbling my nipples causing my back to arch in unbelievable pleasure.
Could this really be happening? I had waited so long for this moment. Now here we were, after all this time, finally right where I had longed to be for so long.
His hands and mouth gently caressing every inch of my body, causing emotions to stir in me that I didn't even know were possible.
It felt like a dream. I secretly wondered, Is this a dream?
“Bella!” I suddenly heard someone screaming my name. The voice sounded vaguely familiar to me, but I simply ignored it.
“Bella! Wake up! You’re going to be late.”
I didn’t want to listen. I wanted to stay right there, wrapped in the arms of the only boy I had ever really loved.
“Bella, come on. Get up!” Thanks to Jacob’s pleas, I was ripped from my moment of utter bliss.
I suddenly realized it really had been just a dream, a wonderful dream, about a boy from my past. Edward Cullen.
It was the same dream I awoke from every morning. He had been my entire world, and had meant everything to me. Clearly he still does.
Although we have been separated from one another for so many years, he was still the man I dreamed of, not my husband.
Jacob, to me, was my safety net. He and I met in college, and he was really the first friend I had allowed myself to get close to after I arrived at the University of Washington, where I was studying on a full scholarship. Over time our friendship grew, and turned into something more, for Jacob at least.
For myself, I knew in my heart that I would never love again. At least, not the way I loved Edward.
Jacob was safe, and he loved me despite my flaws. While I knew I would never be able to give him my whole heart, allowing him to reside in a small place of it was enough.
So on that May evening, when he asked me for my hand in marriage, I made the hasty decision to say ‘yes.’ I knew then it was wrong decision, but I was afraid of being alone. Jacob was the only thing in my life that offered me the assurance that I would never be alone again.
My marriage to him was a spur of the moment to say the least. Now here I was, twenty-nine years old, waking up to reality. A reality that was, at best, a bleak shell of an existence. I realized how unhappy I really was.
How did I get here? In a one sided marriage, so far away from that boy I loved?
Where was he now, and does he think of me the way I think of him? Does he even remember me? Does he have a happy life? As terrible as it sounds, I hoped he doesn’t.
I hoped he is as miserable as I am. I hope he feels as though there is a piece of himself missing as much as I do.
I remembered the first day of my sophomore year at Forks High School like it was yesterday. I was standing in the school parking lot, talking to Jessica about her summer long trip to Florida. I pretended to give a shit about the joys of her summer vacation while I had been stuck in Forks working my stupid fucking part-time job at the diner in town.
My dad, the great Forks Chief of Police had a secret, he was a gambler. He was so addicted to the thrill of the bet that he nearly lost everything we had.
Thanks to his gambling addiction, it took both mine and Charlie’s salaries to make ends meet. Without my extra income things would have been even shittier than they already were.
I looked over Jessica's shoulder, still pretending to be interested in her endless chatter, when I saw Edward for the first time.
He was the most gorgeous boy I had ever seen. He pulled up in his shiny sports car, and as he stepped out of the car I noticed he was very tall with a slender, but muscular build. His beautiful bronze hair was in perfect disarray, as though he just rolled out of bed.
I turned back to Jessica, asked if she knew who the new kid, and pointed in his direction.
Jessica half-heartedly looked where I was pointing and said, “Oh. Haven't you heard?”
I shrugged, “If I had heard, I wouldn’t be asking.”
Jessica rolled her eyes as she continued, “That's Edward Cullen. Rumor has it that he and his family moved here over the summer from Chicago. His father is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, and he'll be taking over as Chief of Surgery at Forks General.
“The beautiful blond boy with him is his brother Jasper. They have an older brother, too, named Emmett.”
I looked to see if someone was getting out of the car. “Where’s the third boy? I only see two.”
Jessica huffed, “Apparently he moved to Boston to attend Harvard University, while the rest of the family came here. He wants to be a doctor, just like his father.”
I quickly turned my head, when I noticed Edward glance in our direction. I peeked at him from the corner of my eye. He smiled at me.
Suddenly he pulled his black Ray Ban sunglasses halfway down his face, and I could see the most vivid green eyes looking right at me. He noticed that I was staring at him, and gave me this cocky crooked grin, that took my breath away.
I couldn't turn away from him. I was entranced by his hypnotic eyes. My breathing was erratic, and it almost felt as if he had cast a spell on me.
At that moment I noticed his brother, Jasper walk over to him. Edward pointed in our direction, and mumbled something to him that caused them both to chuckle. Jasper looked towards us, and shook his head.
I knew at that point my cheeks had turned a bright shade of red. All of the emotions I was feeling were new to me. No boy had ever had that kind of effect on me.
Suddenly he and his brother turned back towards the south side of the parking lot, never giving us another glance, as they headed straight for the main office of the school. I assumed they were going to pick up their class schedules.
My first few periods went by at an excruciatingly slow pace.
With the start of each class, I would glance towards the door, hoping to see the boy with the captivating green eyes walk in.
As the day progressed into lunch time, however, I hadn't had a single class with him or Jasper.
I met up with Jessica and Alice just outside the cafeteria. Alice had been my best friend and next door neighbor for as long as I could remember. She was the only one who brought light into the dismal town we lived in, at least for me.
Alice was my polar opposite. I was quiet and shy, nothing more than an ordinary, unpopular girl. There was nothing special to speak of when it came to me.
Alice, on the other hand, was one of the most popular girls in school. She had a presence about her that everyone seemed to be drawn to. I had never seen Alice unhappy, not once since I had first met her in third grade. Come to think of it, I had never even seen her shed a tear. She always managed to find the good in everything and everyone.
That was why I often questioned why she enjoyed spending her time with me. I felt as though I was always the downer in our friendship. She was constantly trying to cheer me up. Not a weekend went by that she didn’t try to drag me to the mall or to some crazy party, but I always refused. It just wasn't me. I never really understood why she exerted so much energy in trying to save me from myself.
Alice, Jessica and I took our seats at our normal table in the cafeteria, the table we had claimed as ours since freshman year. I happened to glance up and notice the Cullen boys were seated directly across from us on the other side of the cafeteria. I watched as Edward stood, looking in the direction of our table.
He suddenly turned and started towards me. My breath hitched. It appeared as though he were actually going to speak to me.
Once again, however, that cocky grin spread across his face. He looked right at me, chuckled and grabbed his cell phone from his pocket. He quickly began dialing, as he turned and walked right out of the cafeteria.
As I remembered to breathe again, I found myself slightly irritated at his smug attitude.
Unfortunately Edward didn't re-appear the rest of the lunch hour.
To say I was disappointed would have been the understatement of the year.
Finally, the bell rang, signaling that lunchtime was over, and it was time to head to fifth period Biology class.
When I arrived a few minutes early, I was surprised to see Edward sitting at a table, which had the only empty seat in the entire classroom. He didn't look up when I scooted the chair out to sit down beside him. It appeared as though he barely noticed me at all.
His cocky grin had all but disappeared, and to be honest he looked quite angry. I took a moment to ponder what could have happened during lunch that had changed his mood so drastically. He didn't speak to me at all, and when he did finally look up, it appeared that his mind was somewhere else altogether.
His beautiful green eyes had such pain in them that my heart screamed to take it away.
I noticed his beautiful green orbs were now glazed and bloodshot. I knew all too well what that meant. He had spent his lunch getting high.
Sitting that close to him, I realized how incredible his aroma was. Although I did pick up the distinct odor of weed, it was also mixed with a combination of mint and expensive cologne.
Since it was clear what Edward’s lunchtime activity had entailed, my next goal was to find out why. Why did he feel the need to get high? Was this normal behavior for him? If it was, then I suddenly realized Edward and I had at least one thing in common. We both used drugs to deal with the shit in our lives.
Nervously, I looked towards him, and worked up the courage to speak.
“Hi,” I said. “My name is Bella, Bella Swan.”
He just stared at me for a moment, and without uttering a single word, turned his head back towards the front of the class. The rest of the period was spent in silence while Mr. Birdie went on with his boring lecture on cell reproduction.
When the bell rang at the end of class I stood and grabbed my backpack, trying to exit the class as quickly as possible. I felt humiliated by his silence, and needed to get out of there as fast as possible.
Suddenly, I felt a warm touch, as a hand grabbed my shoulder from behind. I turned and saw Edward standing there, looking apprehensive.
“I'm sorry,” he said. “It's been a really shitty day. My name is Edward, Edward Cullen. It's nice to meet you Bella Swan.”
With that he turned and walked out of class. I didn't see Edward again for the rest of the day.
One thing was for certain, I knew I had to see him again. Clearly there was much to be learned about this beautiful boy. For the first time ever in my life, I wanted to know his secrets more than I had ever wanted anything.
“Come on Bella,” Jacob complained. “I have to drive you to work this morning. Remember your car is in the shop, so get up and get ready, or we're both going to be late!”
Yes, reality was a bitch, and I couldn't help but feel like so much time had been wasted. I feel like my life is just passing me by. It is as if I am watching a movie in fast forward, screaming for someone to hit reverse.
“Alright Jacob,” I grumbled. “I'm up. Give me 10 minutes to take a shower, and get dressed.”
I stepped into the water’s hot flow, and wondered if I would ever find it again. Would I ever find that missing piece of my life, of my soul?
Was that beautiful boy, who made me love him before breaking my heart in two, still out there waiting on me to find him?
Where my heart had once been whole and filled with the hope of a future, filled with happiness, was now just a shell. An empty shell of a memory, and that memory was what held me back every day of my life. Has he changed at all over the years that have separated us?
Does he dream of me, as I do of him?
My anger for what he had done to me couldn’t hold back the fact that I hoped, for his sake, that he had found the happiness that has eluded me.
I hope that he has finally found peace within himself to heal his troubled past.