A/N I do not own the characters in this story, they belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer!
I want to thank someone very dear to me, @SparklingWand my beta thank you so much for coming along on this journey with me. I can not tell you how happy I am that unseen forces would bring you to me!~ Without you I would be lost!
Thank you also to my great friend and pre-reader @TwiMoments Love you loads girl!!!
and last but not least I want to thank you all for the wonderful reviews you left me on the first chapter of this story! I hope that this chapter lives up to your expectations and you continue to stick with me with me on this endeavor! Love you all! Please review me because I live for your feedback:) Hugs to you all!
Wanting, Lusting to be held, to be loved, to feel warmth, to feel your beating heart.
Wanting to be sheltered from the cold, heartless winds.
Falling into visible arms; into an abyss of love.
Wishing, hoping, that my desires will be filled; my desires of loving warmth.
Wanting to be held, comforted, loved.
Dreaming of passionate embraces, of tender kisses, loving words, romantic nights.
Waiting for Undying love.
By: Dawn D.
"Chapter Two" (Waiting)
Thank God it wasn't a long car ride from the house to R&R Publishing, where I had been working since I graduated from college seven years ago.
Apparently my waking up late had pissed Jacob off beyond belief.
“Why can't you ever do anything on time Bella?” he asked. “We are late for everything.”
He was really starting to annoy me. Okay, so, I have never been one to be punctual, but is that such a crime? I mean, really.
“Jesus, Jake, give me a damned break. I've had a lot on my mind lately, and I didn't get much sleep last night.”
“Really?” he said. “Could this have anything to do with Edward?”
I was taken aback by him mentioning Edward, quite literally surprised. I had never told Jacob about Edward. In fact I had never talked to anyone about Edward. The only person who would have even remember him was my father.
I don’t speak to anyone from Forks anymore, not even Alice. Losing Alice has left another empty hole in my chest, but cutting off all ties was a necessary step for me to take. I miss her, though. I miss my best friend, terribly.
“Jacob, who is Edward?” I asked, feigning ignorance.
“I don't know,” he said, squinting his eyes in my direction. “I figured you could tell me that, considering you said his name at least ten times last night in your sleep.”
I stopped breathing for a minute. Things started to race through my mind.
What else had I said in my sleep?
What else had Jake heard?
When I regained my composure and remembered to breathe, I answered him.
“Jake, I have no idea what you are talking about.”
I looked over at him to gauge the expression on his face. His angular jaw went from being clinched, to suddenly relaxed. It appeared as though I was safe. Edward's name must have been the only thing I said in my sleep last night, because Jacob turned back towards the road, and didn't mention it again.
When we arrived at my office, he pulled up to the curb, and I opened the car door to get out. I was startled when he grabbed my arm, and pulled me back in my seat.
I panicked for a moment. I thought he was going to bring Edward up again. Instead, he reached over and kissed me on the cheek.
“We need to discuss your birthday party tonight when we get home. It's coming up, and it's the big three-oh, so I want to make sure we plan something special for you.”
My heart pounded in my chest. The last time someone told me they wanted to do something special for my birthday, I ended up with a broken heart.
(Flashback) September 13th, 1997
“Keep your eyes closed, Bella,” Edward whispered gently in my ear.
“Where are you taking me? Edward, you know I hate surprises.”
“Bella, stop complaining,” he said, with a chuckle.
“Sit back, keep your eyes closed, and enjoy the ride. We'll be there soon,” he said, as he took my hand in his, and placed a soft kiss on it. “I promise angel. You'll love what I have planned for you.”
“Edward–” I started, but he silenced me by taking his finger, put it to my lips, and looked at me with those piercing green eyes of his.
“It's your birthday, baby. Please let me make it special for you,” he purred.
That was it. That was all he ever had to do. One look from him and my heart melted, instantly. I didn't say another word, and I did not open my eyes again until we arrived at our destination.
“You can open your eyes now, Bella,” Edward said, as the car came to a stop. He shut the engine off, and got out of the car.
I was in shock.
Edward's family owned a cabin in the mountains not too far from Forks. To my astonishment, he was able to arrange for us to spend the whole night there together. Apparently he had put Alice up to telling my father that she wanted to take me on an overnight shopping trip in Seattle for my birthday. Amazingly, he had agreed to let me go.
Edward opened my car door, took my hand, and pulled me from the car. When we walked in the front door of the cabin, I couldn't believe what I saw.
Everywhere I looked there were candles lit and rose petals strewn around. Soft music played in the background, and my eyes were drawn to a beautiful table set for two. I looked up at him, with what must have been a huge grin across my face, because he began to smile too.
“This kind of surprise pleases you I can see,” he said as he took my coat, and led me toward the dining room.
“Are you hungry?” he asked, his voice laced with wanton need.
“Ravenous,” I replied.
I really was starving. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and we had skipped lunch in order to make it here quicker.
He pulled me by my hand towards the table, and pulled out a chair for me. I sat down without a word, still dumbfounded as to how he had arranged all of this.
After I sat down, he bent down and placed a chaste kiss on my lips before he disappeared into the kitchen. He quickly returned with two big bags of Chinese take-out from my favorite restaurant.
“Dinner is served,” he chuckled, making me smile wide.
“Edward,” I said, “How did you do all this?”
“Does it matter?” he asked. “I wanted this night to be special for both of us. I've been planning it for weeks.”
“Thank you,” was all I could think to say.
Edward and I had been together now for exactly one year. Over the past year the only real details I had learned about Edward were that he and his brother Jasper had both been adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen when he was 13 and Jasper was 14. I knew nothing else of his past.
I had tried several times to get bits of information out of him here and there, but he was never willing to share his past. All I knew was that he was adopted, and something terrible must have happened prior to his adoption.
Not only was it my birthday, but it was also our anniversary as well. Our very first date had been on my birthday one year ago, although I hadn't told him at the time that it was my birthday. When he found out, he more than made up for it.
We finished eating, and cleared away the remainder of the food before moving to the couch in front of the fire place. He pulled me closer to him, and I felt the electricity in the air around us.
It was always there, that need, that desire to be as close to him as I possibly could be.
I wanted more than anything for this to be the night that Edward finally said yes.
I knew I wouldn't be his first. There were just some things he couldn't hide from me. It was clear to me that he had experience in this area just from the fooling around that we had done. So when I asked, he begrudgingly told me that his first very uninteresting encounter with sex had been with a girl from his foster home named Tanya. I didn't even know her, and I hated her.
“Bella,” he whispered, causing me to look up into those deep green eyes.
My heart pounded in my chest as he said, “I want you to know that I'm in love with you. I've never felt this way about anyone before.”
He reached his arm around my shoulder and placed his hand on my neck, pulling me into him." Happy Birthday, angel,” he murmured, as he pressed his lips to mine.
In that moment, there on that couch, nothing else existed to me but Edward. I loved him so completely when he was like this with me.
Our kiss deepened, and he gently forced open my mouth to allow his tongue access. Our breathing became more erratic, our hands started moving frantically, grasping at each other. I couldn't get enough of him. I wanted to touch every part of this beautiful body, and God, how I wanted him to touch every part of me!
He pushed me down so that he was now lying on top of me. I could feel how hard he was through his jeans, as he positioned himself between my legs. The gentle movement of his hips, brought my body to life, giving me such sweet pressure, right where I needed it.
His hands moved in between us to unbutton my shirt. As he popped open each button, his soft, warm tongue moved further down my neck until he reached my right breast. He began to nibble and suck my nipple deep into his mouth. I arched my back giving him complete access, feeling my nipples harden at his touch.
He stopped, briefly, before moving further down. He placed wet kisses down the contours of my stomach. I shivered when he nipped at the skin right above my waistband. He looked up at me, longing in his eyes, and then popped the button on my jeans. I reached down, and pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it carelessly to the floor.
He smiled, and continued to suck and nip my skin at my panty line.
He worked his magical tongue on me, lapping at my naval, and used his teeth to pull my panties down enough to expose more skin.
He sucked my skin, his mouth, leaving a trail of fire on my skin from where his lips had been. He had me practically begging him to give me the release I so desperately needed.
I lifted my hips, offering myself to him. I wanted him to take my pants off me, and have his way with me. I had never wanted anything so much in my life.
Suddenly, he sat up, and moved back away from me. He raked his fingers through his hair, and with a strain in his voice, he said, “No, Bella. We have to stop. We can't do this, not here, not tonight.”
I sat up, and wrapped my shirt around my bare chest. I was astonished that he was stopping this from happening once again.
Suddenly, I felt consumed with sadness, more than that, rejection.
Questions flooded my mind, as I desperately tried to collect myself, fighting back the tears that threatened to escape me.
Does he not want me the way I want him?
Maybe he thinks I can't live up to that bitch Tanya. Obviously, he had no trouble going all the way with her.
When he looked at me, I knew he saw the pain in my eyes. The only thing I could say was, “Edward, why? Why not tonight? "Why do you continually push me away like this?"
“Bella,” he said. “We just can't. Not now. You are not ready for this.”
“How dare you, Edward!” I screamed. “How dare you presume what I am or am not ready for?”
I was so angry at him. My eyes filled with tears, and at that moment I needed an explanation.
“Please explain to me, Edward, how you know what I am and am not ready for.”
“Bella, I told you that you need to be sure that your first time is with the right person, and I am not so sure that I am that person for you,” he said.
“How can you say that, Edward? We have been together for a year now. You said you loved me, and you know I love you."
I looked at him, and at that moment, I saw anger in his eyes.
Here it comes again I thought, the mask was once again on.
“Bella, how can you honestly love me, when you know nothing about me?” He said, as he turned his head away from me.
“How can I possibly know anything about you, Edward, when you won't talk to me? Every time I think that we are making progress, that you might for once open up to me, and share a piece of yourself with me, you just shut down.
"Are you ever going to let me in?" I asked, practically screaming. “What are you hiding from me, Edward? You can tell me anything. You know that.”
“Bella, I don't want to have this conversation right now. Can we please just try to enjoy the rest of your birthday," he begged, “Don't let this ruin the night for us.
“I have a gift for you. Would you like it now?” he asked, feigning a smile.
I only wanted one gift at this moment, but it was obvious he didn’t want me enough to give it to me.
“No! Edward, enough is enough!" I lashed out. “If you don't trust me enough to let me in, even just a little bit, well, then, I think it's time to for me to go home!”
“Bella, please,” he pleaded.
“No, Edward. I'm done...I can't do this anymore tonight, with you. Take me home now, please,” I asserted.
All I could think about at that point was being away from him, and going somewhere to get high. I needed it. I needed the numbness. This constant battle of emotions raging inside me was really wearing me thin.
He did as I requested, and drove me home. The car ride was silent for the most part until we pulled into my driveway.
“What are you going to tell Charlie?” he asked. “He thinks you've been with Alice.”
“I'll think of something,” I said coldly.
“Bella, please wait,” he pleaded, as I reached for the door handle.
“What is it, Edward?” I snapped at him.
“Please, at least let me give you your gift,” he begged. “Hold out your hand.”
I did as he asked, because I wanted out of the car as quickly as possible. I was overcome with feelings of embarrassment, resentment, sadness, and most of all…rejection.
He placed a small black box in the palm of my hand.
“You can open it later if you want, and I really am sorry. I wanted this night to be special for you, and it seems as though I've screwed that up once again.”
I took the box without another word, got out of the car, and slammed the door shut.
Without even a glance back towards the car, I went into the house, and headed straight for the staircase. I wanted to be in my room…no, I needed to be there to smoke. I needed to forget this shit for a while.
As luck would have it, Charlie was once again passed out on the couch, and didn't even hear me come in. I shut the lights off downstairs, and headed for my room.
Once there, I threw open my closet door, and grabbed the shoebox hidden in the back of my closet.
I found the last of my stash in there, rolled a joint, opened my bedroom window, and lit up. I took a long drag, and closed my eyes, trying to drown out the thoughts coursing through my brain. It wasn’t long before I started to feel the calming affects, but even with that, I couldn’t shut out the questions lingering in my mind.
Why wouldn’t he let me in?
What was so terrible about his past that he wouldn't share it with me?
After finishing off the joint and feeling somewhat calmer, I finally worked up the courage to make my way towards the bathroom. I placed the small box on my dresser outside the bathroom door and took my pajamas out.
I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and dressed for bed. I wanted this night to be over with, and the sooner I got to sleep, the sooner that would happen. Once I was back in my room, however, I couldn't help myself. I grabbed the box from the dresser.
I sat down on my bed, and flipped open the lid of the box. Inside was the most beautiful locket I had ever seen. I opened it, and inside was a picture of a precious, little, red haired boy with big green eyes looking up at me.
I couldn't believe it. It was Edward as a little boy. It had to be. This was the first part of Edward's past he had ever shared with me. Underneath the locket was a tiny folded piece of paper.
I unfolded the note and began to read it:
This is the only thing I have left that belonged to my mother, my real mother. Her name was Elizabeth. Until I met you she was the only person I had ever really loved in my life. Now that I have you, I thought it only appropriate that you have this. I would like more than anything to share my mother's story with you. I'm just not capable of dredging up the memories I have locked inside, but please know that when I am ready, you are the only person I would ever share them with.
My heart is and always will be yours,
I sat there, tears streaming from my eyes, feeling overcome with guilt for the way I had treated Edward tonight.
He had worked so hard to make this night perfect for me, and I had thrown it in his face, as if it meant nothing to me.
Could he ever forgive me?
Although it frustrated me, I knew from that moment on that I would be patient with him. I knew that whatever pain he had suffered through in his past would surface at some point, in one way or another, and no matter how long it took, I would wait.
There was no other choice for me. I loved this boy, and I would endure anything for him.
“Please, Jacob, I don't want a party. Turning thirty isn't something to celebrate.”
I really had been dreading this birthday, unlike I had any other. I wasn't one that liked to be the center of attention, ever, but this birthday in particular was painful.
Half my life had passed me by, and what did I have to show for it? Yeah, I had a great job that I was really good at, but that was the only up up-side to my life.
When I was younger I had dreamed of having so much more by now, I had dreamed of having Edward.
I really thought that my life would have been different, but as I blink and look my husband in the face, I realize just how wrong I had been back then.
I broke my promise - a promise that I made to myself all those years ago.
I promised to be patient with Edward, I knew he had a troubled past. I knew that whatever haunted him was at times too much for him to bear.
I said then that I would be everything for him that he needed me to be. I promised to endure anything that came our way, because I knew that when he was ready, Edward would be there for me, just the way I was for him.
God, I was so wrong. I didn't know then what anything would entail, and when I found out, I realized that maybe Edward never really would give me his whole heart. That maybe he never wanted to in the first place. That maybe he never really felt for me as I did for him.
I could forgive a lot of things, but I just couldn't forgive him for everything, especially not that.
“Bella!” Jacob was screaming now.
I came out of my daze and apologized.
I really wish you would tell me what has been going on with you lately,” he said. “Sometimes, it appears as though you are in an entirely different world.”
What he didn’t understand is I was in another world. A world where I was happy, I had the life of my dreams, and I had my Edward.
“I'm sorry,” I said again. “I'm just tired. We'll talk more tonight. You’re already late. You need to get going.”
“Alright,” he agreed. “I'll be here at six to pick you up, and don't forget, we have to pick up your car from the shop after work.”
“Okay,” I said. “I'll see you at six.”
I left the car, and walked towards the building. Once inside, I waved to the receptionist, Stacy, I think her name is.
It’s pretty sad I can’t remember that, considering she had been here almost as long as I have. I stepped into the elevator, and asked the gentleman standing there to push the button to the tenth floor for me.
I arrived at my office exactly ten minutes late, but no one even noticed. When I got to my desk I saw a yellow post-it note stating that I had a phone message from yesterday after I left.
The call came from an area code I didn't recognize and said ‘Please Contact, ASAP.’
I assumed it had been work-related so I picked up the phone and dialed the number. A voicemail picked up almost immediately, and as soon as I heard the voice on the other end, I realized the message had come from Alice. I immediately froze with shock.
How had she found me? I hadn't spoken to her since I left Forks. I knew that my dad had run into her a few times right after I had left, but she was angry with me. According to Charlie, she never even attempted to ask him where I had decided to go to college.
I immediately hung up without leaving a message, picked up the phone again and called Charlie. He picked up on the first ring.
“Bella, is something wrong?” he asked.
“No, why would you think that dad?”
“Well you haven't called much lately, and you never return my messages,” he said. “So I just assumed that something had happened for you to be calling.”
“No, Dad. Nothing is wrong, and I'm sorry I haven't called lately. Things have just been kind of crazy, you know? Anyways, I'm calling because I want to know if you have spoken to Alice lately?”
“Well, yeah, as a matter of fact,” he answered, “she called me last week asking how she could reach you. She said it was really important, or she wouldn't be asking. So I gave her your work number just in case you didn't want her calling you at the house.”
“Did she say what it was about?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “Just that it was very important that she reach you.”
“Alright, Dad. Well, I'm at work now, so I'll have to call you back later.”
“Bells, is everything ok?” he asked.
“Yeah. Like I said, things have just been crazy lately, but I'm okay.”
“Alright. Well, I'll talk to you soon then, kiddo.”
“Dad, I am about to turn thirty. Do you think you'll ever stop calling me kiddo?”
“No, Bells,” he chuckled. “You'll always be my kiddo no matter how old you get. Speaking of which, with your birthday coming up and all, are you and Jacob planning anything special?”
I didn't want him to ask if he could come for a visit. I love Charlie, but moving out of that house was one of the only good things I had ever done, and I just wasn't up for a visit from my dad right now. I didn't need the added stress.
“No, Dad,” I replied, “nothing special at all. I really don't want to make a big deal over my birthday, or turning thirty.”
“Bells, there’s nothing wrong with turning thirty. In fact you should feel proud at what you have been able to accomplish at such a young age,” my father encouraged.
What I've accomplished, I thought to myself. I almost laughed out loud. This conversation was definitely over. My father, obviously, had no clue what he was talking about.
“Alright, well, I really have to get off here now. I'll call you soon. Okay?”
With that we said our goodbyes. I sat back in my chair and wondered what Alice could possibly want after all this time? What was so important that she could put aside her anger towards me for leaving Forks without even saying goodbye to her?
“Only one way to find out,” I said to myself.
Lord, help me. I’m now talking to myself.
I picked up the phone, and dialed her number. This time she picked up right away.
“Bella,” she exclaimed. “Thank God, I finally found you.”
“What is it Alice?” I asked. “What's wrong?”
“Bella, we have to talk, but not over the phone. Can I come for a visit?” she asked. “What I have to say needs to be said in person.”
“Of course, Alice. When did you want to come?”
“As soon as possible. This can't wait,” she reiterated.
"Just tell me where I'm going Bella, because although your father would give me your work number, he wouldn’t tell me where you are."
"Alice, I'm in San Diego.” This has been my home for the last seven years.
"California,” She sighed, “Wow, Bella, I never pictured you as a Cali girl, but okay."
"Well, it's been a long time, Alice. There's a lot about me that you wouldn't recognize, now.”
A heavy silence hung between us. I know I probably hurt her even more by throwing our time and distance in her face, but I needed her to understand, I wasn’t the same Bella she knew as a kid.
I finally broke the silence by asking, “Umm, when were you planning to come?”
“I'll be on the first flight out in the morning,” she answered, “If that's alright with you.” I sighed, feeling a pit develop in my stomach. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
“I'll call you when I arrive.”
"Alice, can you at least tell me what the subject of this conversation is going to be?” I asked.
"Honestly, it really is better to discuss everything in person, but I will tell you this, it concerns Edward.”
My heart flew into my throat. Edward. She still talked to Edward. She knew about his life. She knew things, I only longed to know.
“Is he okay?” I asked, suddenly feeling panic overtake me.
"He's fine, Bella don't worry, ” she said."
"Really, what is it? What's wrong?” The suspense was killing me. I wanted to know about Edward so bad I could taste it.
“This is between me, you, and Edward, " she explained, “and what I have to tell you is going to be hard for you to hear."
I felt a flash of anger by her incessant need to be cryptic about her coming to see me.
Just come out and say it. Don’t leave me hanging.
“Then why bother, Alice? I mean, it's been twelve years since you last spoke to me. So, what is the point of all of this?” I demanded.
"I'm sorry,” she muttered. “I know it's been too long, but things are happening now that I really need you to be aware of."
Alice sighed, "I'll call you as soon as I land, and don't worry I'll catch a cab from the airport. I’ll need your address?"
“1356 Monroe Street,” I replied.
"Okay, then I'll see you in the morning. Goodbye, Bella.” I could hear sadness in her voice as she bid me farewell.
“Goodbye,” I replied, as I hung up the phone.
My whole body began to tremble. Alice, my former best friend, which with who** I hadn’t spoken to in nearly twelve years, would be here tomorrow.
On top of that, she had news for me about Edward. Edward, who had been a prominent thought on my mind lately, she had information on. Information that was so important, apparently she couldn't discuss it over the phone.
Now, I really was stressed.
How would I explain this to Jacob? Not only had I never mentioned Edward to Jacob, but I never told him about Alice either. Alice was part of my past, which I tried desperately to forget, but somehow I could never let go of.
Now, Alice was coming here, and I would have to tell Jacob something, especially, since we would be discussing Edward.
In a way, I had become Jacob’s Edward. I refused to tell him very much about my past. I’ve kept him in the dark because I didn’t want to physically face the pain those memories brought me.
Now, those memories were knocking on my front door, thanks to Alice and her impending visit.
How am I going to be able explain any of this to him?