Thank you to my Beautiful Beta SparklingWand (JM McDonald)! Please join me in congratulating her, she just recently found out that the book she is writing titled "Guardian is being published and you can find it on store shelves in Summer 2011 !
Thank you to my amazing Proof Reader Twimoments (Jackie)! Love you woman more than you'll ever know!
Thank you for your amazing reviews on chapter 6, and coming up in chapter 8 we'll get another piece of Edward! Right now though here is a peek inside my Jasper's mind and if your anything like me you'll fall in love with him by the end of this chapter! Please review bad or good I love them all!
Beta suggested playlist: Anymore by Travis Tritt, Broken by Seether, Everything by Lifehouse, & More Than Words Can Say by Alias
My heart beats for you, my soul longs for you,
Can you hear me when I call for you?
I had my moment, I had my chance,
wasted time dwelling on the past,
I took life for granted thought time would last,
alone and longing, never belonging
No more time to waste in this instance,
I'm tired of watching you from a distance.
I'm yours to have, yours to hold, could I be so bold?
As to ask you my love, for a gift from God above.
One last chance, One beautiful dance.
Shine your love through this night,
so from Darkness comes Light!
Written by: SparklingWand and DreamsOfEdward---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Seven (My Everything)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I had been sitting in my brother's driveway now for what seemed like hours, but in fact was only a few minutes. I was desperately trying to 'will' myself to get out of the car and go to the door.
In the last few months I'd had some of the most difficult moments of my life. One of them most certainly being the day we all found out that Alice, my sweet Alice, had cancer. We learned that it is not just any cancer either, but a very rare form of leukemia that she most certainly would die from.
I remember the phone call from Edward on that fucked- up day, and every second of it killed me. Why? Well, for starters, Alice was going to die. My sweet, loving, gorgeous, sexy as fuck, Alice, the one and only girl I had never been able to keep myself from loving. Of course, the fucked-up fool that I am, also had to be in love with the one girl that was off limits to me, because she was married to my fucking little brother.
I loved Edward, but I hated him too, for making my girl his wife. It's not his fault though, no, it's all mine. I'd never told anyone the way I felt about Alice. I knew if he had known, he would have never married her. I'd never be able to give her what she needed emotionally. I was too damaged for that.
Of course, so was Edward. I'm pretty sure it was never about being in love for them anyway. It was more about not being alone than anything. I'm not an idiot. I knew even though he never talked about her, the one and only girl for Edward had always been his Bella. Bella was to Edward, like Alice was to me, the unattainable. The women our hearts, minds, souls and even our own bodies belonged to, and unfortunately neither of us would have them.
My brother and I shared a lot of things, but Bella was one subject we never crossed paths on. He never even mentioned her name, and if anyone ever did talk about Bella in front of him, he would always find an excuse to leave the room. He just couldn't stop blaming himself for losing her the way he did. That was Edward though. My poor brother blamed himself, for every fucking bad thing that had happened to us.
I knew the truth. It was never Edward's fault that he ended up having to make the choice he had made that night. It was always my fault. I knew exactly what my father was like, and I hated that son of a bitch. I'm not sorry he's gone and never will be, but I should have been the one to pull that fucking trigger, not my baby brother.
No, I should have been there that night, instead of out trying to get my first piece of ass. I should have never allowed Edward to be alone with the bastard. It was for one night. One fucking night! I was the only guy in my class that hadn't lost his virginity yet. Lauren Mallory was known to be the easiest girl in the ninth grade, and I was going out with her.
Needless to say, I didn't get laid that night. I got a call saying I needed to get home before I even made it to second base with Lauren. A small penance for what my baby brother had to endure that night because of me and my selfishness. I wasn't there, and because of what my brother did that night, he has been beating himself up his whole life.
Not that I'm condoning what my kid brother did to Bella, because I'm not, but I understand why he did it more then he realizes. I know how much he had always hoped that our mother would get past her bullshit and come back for us, and I knew how much it fucked him up when he realized that wasn't going to happen.
I knew way before her suicide she would never understand everything Edward had given up for her. No, I knew that night, the last night I ever saw my mother, that she would never see what that man had done to her, how weak he'd made her. I mean, really, what kind of a mother would choose a man that nearly beat her to death on a daily basis just for kicks, over her own fucking children? How could she choose him, a man that didn't love her, over a child that had stood up to the asshole to protect her?
While my baby brother silently prayed to himself every night for that bitch to forgive him and come back for us, he blamed himself even more, day after day, for everything that had turned to shit in our lives.
I fucking prayed she'd never come back, because she didn't deserve to have a son like Edward. She was cold and heartless. She didn't deserve someone so selfless that he was willing to destroy his own life to save hers, only to have her throw it back in his face as though what he did for her that night meant nothing.
I hated the bitch for destroying our lives more than I hated my own monster of a father. While our father was abusive and domineering, our mother was spineless and selfish. I curse her every day for what she put Edward through. I blame her, not our father, for us both being as fucked up as we are. She deserved to die the way she did, alone and unwanted.
That bitch took the easy way out with a bunch of pills that night, leaving a huge fucking path of destruction in her wake. Thanks to her spinelessness, our lives were changed even more than they already had been.
I didn't just hate her for what she did to Edward. I hated both my piece of shit parents for crippling me emotionally. They left such huge, fucking scars in my heart, scars that would render me incapable of showing anyone any type of affection in my life. I couldn't risk it. Hell, I can't even open myself up to tell my baby brother how I feel about everything that has occurred in our lives. My parents forced me into a fucking turtles shell, and I fear I'll never find my way out of it.
I feel like there is this huge, Goddamn wall that I can't climb. I had no trust left, to love, to give myself to someone like that just so they could leave me, and break me in two all over again.
The problem with that, however, is that every time I look into those gorgeous eyes… that beautiful face of my brother's wife, I want desperately to be able to love her like that, to give myself to her like that.
I've never even had sex for Christ's sake, with anything other than my hand, because at least my hand couldn't get up the next morning and walk out on me.
I wanted to touch her as man should. I wanted to make sweet love to her and hear her scream my name as I brought her to the heights of pleasure. I wanted to hold her the way she so desperately deserved. I wanted to be the shoulder she leaned on. I wanted to be her everything.
I knew she had to be scared, but she never showed it not to anyone. She was the strongest damn woman I have ever known, and ever will know. She's the woman my mother should have been, and I loved her all the more for that simple fact.
It's not that Edward didn't take good care of her, because he did. I knew, like me, he was scared to death of losing her. There was one huge difference between Edward's fear of losing her and my own. I knew Edward's reasons for wanting Alice here were completely different than my own. He loved her, I will never deny that, but not the way that amazing woman deserved to be loved.
She needed the passion and the fire that neither of us would ever be capable of giving her. She needed a man that could ravage her body, while making sweet passionate love to her. She needed a man that could simulate her mind and open her soul. I longed to be that man, and I hated knowing that Edward didn't feel that way about her. Her soul was wasting away and now her body was following suit.
Edward was losing his best friend but I was losing the love of my life.
Suddenly I felt the sting of those traitor tears falling down my face. I reached my hands up and wiped them away. I had to stop thinking this way, because if I didn't I was going to lose this self restraint I had worked so long to control.
I laid my forehead on the steering wheel and willed myself to regain control of my emotions. Wiping the remaining tears from my face, I opened the car door, and grabbed Alice's favorite burger from the front seat of the car. As I made my way to the door, I took one last deep breath and rang the doorbell.
I suddenly felt panic overtake me when she didn't answer right away. I rang the bell again and was about to use my key, when I finally heard her little footsteps padding down the foyer to the door.
She flung the door open and nearly collapsed in my arms as soon as I stepped through the door.
"Alice, what is it? What's wrong?" I nearly choked out. You could literally feel the waves of desperation rolling off her.
I didn't say anything else as she stood there in my arms and started to cry. I couldn't speak, I was in complete disbelief. I had never seen Alice break down like this, and quite frankly, it scared the shit out of me.
I reached down and dropped her dinner bag on the table beside the door, so that I could better grasp her in my arms. She needed to be held, damn it, to be comforted, and I was not bailing on her, no matter how fucking scared I was.
She pulled back after a moment and looked up into my eyes. The depth of pain reflecting back at me nearly caused me to lose my breath.
"I'm sorry," she finally spoke.
Why was she sorry?
Holding her in my arms like this had been part of my dreams for so long, it was hard to believe it was actually happening.
Was she sorry because she didn't feel the same way as me, or was it simply because of her breakdown? I hoped it was the latter, and there was absolutely no reason for her to be sorry. She needed to know it was okay to be scared. She needed to know that I would be here for her, until the bitter end.
Standing there in my brother's foyer, holding my brother's wife in my arms, the flood gate for all the pent-up emotions I'd had all these years suddenly came fucking crashing open. I couldn't think straight. My heart was racing. I was holding the most beautiful woman in the world in my arms, comforting her, and for the first time ever, I was at peace. What kind of a sick fuck was I that her pain was bringing me peace?
I looked down into those beautiful eyes, and she looked back up at me. I may be inexperienced, but I could see nothing but longing reflecting back at me. Her lips parted slightly, and she gasped for breath. I felt my cock harden just by looking at her. A small smile played on her beautiful lips, and I knew in that instant that she did want me as much as I wanted her.
I reached down and pushed the hair back from her sweet little face. I don't know what possessed me, but I leaned in and kissed the tears from her cheeks. She sighed and breathed my name. My fucking name escaping her lips was the best aphrodisiac in the world.
"Alice, I…" I whispered as my lips crushed hers, with such a force I was terrified that I had hurt her. When I felt her arms wrap around my neck and her fingers weaved through my hair, pulling me closer to her, I knew there was no way I was hurting her. Her lips started to move frantically against mine, and it was clear that she needed this just as much as I did. I bent down and picked her up into my arms, never removing my lips from hers, and walked her down the hall and towards her room.
Her and my brother's room.That thought briefly crossed my mind as I lay her down on their bed. In an instant I felt complete guilt rush over me and started to pull away from her. I couldn't do this. I couldn't hurt Edward like this. No matter how much I wanted her, needed her, I wasn't there to protect Edward that night, and I couldn't be the reason for him to hurt further.
She grabbed my neck, trying to pull me back towards her, and I once again looked down at her and said one word, "Edward." She looked right back at me with understanding in her eyes and smiled. Her eyes danced and my heart leaped from my chest. This was the happiest I had ever seen Alice. She grabbed my hand and kissed my wrist and breathed one word back, "Bella."
I knew in an instant what she meant by that, and that was all it took for me to lose lips collided once again, and a loan tear escaped down my cheek at the emotion of it all. I had dreamed of this moment for so long that nothing could hold me back now.
Not Edward, not my mother or my father, NO, nothing!For the first time in my life, I forgot about my past and could only see my present. Alice was my sun, lighting the darkness of my soul. Finally dawn was breaking in my heart, and for the first time I could feel the warmth of the greatest emotion of all…love.
I pressed my tongue against her lips gently asking permission to enter. She opened her mouth to me without hesitation. Our tongues danced together in a perfect rhythm, as though this had been meant to be all along. We fit perfectly in each other's arms, and I ran my hands down the contours of her tiny little beautiful body, until I reached the base of her adorable pink top and pulled it off of her.
I felt her flinch and thought maybe I had caused her pain in some way. Tears welled in my eyes, and I noticed her eyes were squeezed shut and her body was suddenly ridged. That's when I realized she was flinching because she was embarrassed of her naked body, not because I had hurt her.
I pulled my lips from hers, and gazed over her beautiful form. Her chest heaved as I moved my hands over her peaked mounds. Her tits were just the perfect size. They fit wonderfully in the palm of my hands, as if they were made just for me. I felt her relax as I instantaneously reassured her that she was the most beautiful woman in the world to me. She always had been, and always would be. I saw a faint smile spread across her sexy lips, and knew hearing that had pleased her greatly. I meant every fucking word of it.
When she whispered to me that she felt the same about me, my body exploded into an inferno of lust and love. Most women didn't even pay attention to me anymore. I liked it that way. I didn't have to deal with their shit. They all thought I was gay. I hated that fact, nothing against being gay, but I wasn't. I endured that shit all through my life, and to hear the woman that I've loved most of my life thought I was beautiful, was beyond anything I had ever felt.
How could I have missed that she felt this way about me as well?
You're such a fucking idiot. Yep, that about summed it up.The signs had been there since high school, and I'd missed them all. She'd loved me all along, just as I loved her. For one reason or another, neither one of us spoke the words that we longed to say. None of that mattered now though. Laying here in her arms, it seemed the right moment for us. I wouldn't let any past mistakes ruin this time with her, this precious time that we had so little of.
I had missed my chance to spend a long and happy life with this gorgeous creature because I was so barricaded inside myself. Well, here was my chance to redeem myself, and I wasn't going to slap fate in the face by walking away from it.
She reached down and tugged at the hem of my shirt. I lifted off of her long enough to pull my shirt over my head. Just by simply removing my lips from hers nearly crushed me. I felt a sense of loss that was overwhelming, but was quickly distracted by the smile that played on those wonderful lips, as she looked me over.
I couldn't resist her. I had to have her…now. My lips hungrily attacked her face, kissing her lips, her cheeks, and down her jaw. My lips laid a path of fire down her body until I reached her succulent breasts.
Taking one in my mouth, sucking and nibbling, I felt a low moan vibrate in her chest which in turn caused a moan to escape my lips. I released her breast from my grasp and moved to her left, sucking and nibbling there as well, feeling it pebble with my warm touch. I needed complete contact with her. As my mouth teased and loved one tit, my fingers played the same rhythm with her other. I was in heaven.
Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. She placed her hands in my hair at the nape of my neck and slowly applied pressure, as she massaged her fingers through my hair. I continued to work my mouth and fingers on her breasts, relishing the sounds she made as I nipped her sweet nipples between my teeth. It felt so damn good to be touching her this way and to have her reciprocate.
I had to move my torso slightly, trying to adjust my painfully hard dick without letting her know how badly this was hurting me. It was a glorious pain. One that I was more than willing to endure because she felt so damn good, that I was determined I wouldn't rush this. No, she needed to be made love to, not just fucked. She deserved to feel the fire and passion a man who was truly in love with her could give her, and I'll be damned if I wasn't going to be that man.
I moved my hands down to the waist of her night pants, and slowly pulled them off of her. Reaching inside her panties, I placed my hand over her soft, warm pussy. She cried out arching her back towards me, urging me on. I began to rub circles on her clit with my fingers until I felt her whole body vibrate with pleasure. God, how I wanted to be inside of her.
It's kind of funny, how everything came so natural to me. I would have thought I would have been nervous as hell at this moment, considering I had never made it past first base with a woman. But I wasn't nervous at all, in fact, I felt quite confident that Alice had never felt this kind of pleasure with anyone, including my brother.
I pulled my hand out of her panties for a brief second, so that I could take them off her. I wanted to see that beautiful pussy as I played with it, and I needed her to be free of any constraints between us. As I slid her little panties down her legs, my whole body shook with excitement as I gazed upon her sweet little sex. For a brief moment, I wondered if it were even possible for me to fit in there. She was so tiny, and my cock that twitching to make is way inside her.
I threw her panties across the room. I honestly didn't give a damn where they landed. I just wanted to make her feel desired, as she certainly was. I ran my fingers down her slit and I thought I heard her ask, "Is this really happening?"
I smiled to myself and thought, yes, baby, this is real, as real as it's ever going to get.I marveled at the way her clit hardened under my ministrations and her centre glistened with her desire. Seeing that wetness pooling between her legs brought my attention directly back to her hot center. I wanted to taste her. I'd thought about doing this so many times, inevitably always ending up in me having to rub one out, that I couldn't wait to get my mouth on her.
She tensed for one brief moment when she realized what I intended to do. I silently wondered if this was the first time anyone had touched her in this way, but quickly shrugged that off knowing my brother the way I do. He was not shy with the ladies, let's put it that way, but in my brother's head was the last place I wanted to be right now. Especially since he was off on some strength building trip, and I was here in his bed with his wife.
I quickly wiped the guilt from my mind that had started to build up again. Knowing that Edward may hate me for this, but also with the knowledge that he had no right to, not when Bella constantly flooded his thoughts this way.
I lowered my head between her legs, and the smell alone we intoxicating. I flicked my tongue along the outside of her beautiful womanhood, tasting the woman I loved on my lips. She tasted like honey and the ocean. I was in fucking heaven. I massaged her clit with my tongue, lapping up every ounce of her juice I could, because damn she tasted good. This was better than I ever imagined.
"Fuck, Jasper," she moaned, gripping my hair tighter and pulling my face closer to her body. That feels so good, baby, don't stop. Please don't stop," she begged.
I had no intentions of stopping until I heard her scream out my name in pleasure. I moved more frantically on her now, sucking and nibbling. I thrust my tongue as deep inside her as I could, lapping at her, nipping at her and relishing the feel of her body vibrating under me. I pulled back and looked into her beautiful eyes. She was so full of lust and love, and I knew she mirrored my own face in that moment. I smiled and placed a finger at her entrance, slowly sliding it in and curving it right up to where I knew her g-spot should be. I tenderly pushed that nub inside her, knowing medically it should be all she needed, but prayed I wasn't being an idiot for believing this area really existed. I was ecstatic to see it was true, as my ministrations sent her flying over the edge.
Her eyes grew huge and then shut tightly. Her body withered as she screamed my name. "Jasper, Oh God, Fuck Baby!" I could hardly stand it. I nearly came myself just from the sound of her.
I fucking wanted her. No, I needed her like I needed air to breath. As she came down from the high of her orgasm, she must have seen the look in my eyes. She motioned for me to come to her. I quickly made my way up her body, kissing her frantically. She reached her little hands between us and popped the button on my jeans. I groaned as her little finger slid inside my pants, grasping my engorged cock. The feel of her touch of my dick was the most amazing thing I had ever felt in my life.
She thrust several times, but seemed to be having the same issue I did earlier. My clothes were in her way. She slipped her hand out and began to undress me. She pushed me on my back, allowing to gaze over her luscious naked body. I watched as threw my remaining clothes onto the floor and grinned.
She licked her sweet lips and teased the head of my cock with her thumb, which again nearly sent me over the edge. My body stiffened when she lowered her head and licked the pre-cum that gathered there. I wasn't prepared for what I would feel when she wrapped her warm mouth around my dick. I involuntarily jerked as she thrust her tongue down the shaft of my hard-on.
Oh my God, Fuck me, it felt so fucking good. I couldn't help but moan, "Fuck, baby. I want you. I need to be inside of you."
She sucked my dick even harder at the sound of my voice, and I felt the vibration of her moan on my cock. I couldn't take it anymore, I was going to explode. I felt my cock twitching and knew if she didn't stop I could cum right then, and I wanted to be inside her desperately.
She was relentless, like a child with a sucker. She maintained her motion and I had to forcefully pull her mouth off of me. She smiled a devilish grin, and I quickly flipped her back underneath me. I was going to have her and now. I had waited long enough and I couldn't wait any more.
I placed my dick at her entrance, and looked down at her as I slid it in softly not wanting to hurt her in anyway.
She closed her eyes, and at once I begged her to open them. I wanted to see what I was doing to her, and how I was making her feel. As she graciously complied, and slowly opened her eyes, something came over me in that moment. I looked at her and I whispered, "I love you, Alice, I always have, and I always will baby."
I saw a tear fall down the side of her face, and paused for a brief moment to get my own emotions in control. The intensity of this moment was unreal. I asked her if she was okay, and she simply said, "Jasper, I love you, too. I've waited so long for this. I've waited so long for you."
My heart ached at the sound of that. I had wasted so much fucking time with this woman I love, and God only knows, how much fucking time we have left.
Would I have enough time to show her just how much she has always meant to me.I decided in that moment, to act as if we had no time left, to show her with every part of my being right here, right now just how I felt.
I began to move again, so slowly in and out of her relishing in the feel of it all, trying to ingrain into my heart, this moment and how it feels for an eternity. I never wanted to forget it.
She softly started to moan. "Oh, Jasper, I've never felt like this before." Her lovely fingers trailed heat down my chest and her hips met mine thrust for thrust.
I knew exactly what she meant, even though I had never been with another woman in my life like she had been with Edward. I knew that even if I had, it wouldn't have meant anything compared to this, here with her right now.
I pushed myself deep inside her, which was a mistake. My body naturally reacted and I had no control over it. I felt heartbroken that I wasn't going to make her cum again.
"Fuck," I cried. "Baby, I'm coming. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to…"
"Shhh, me too," she whimpered. "I've never felt this way before."
At that second I exploded inside of her, and she started to scream out my name, lost in her own climax. I pushed hard, but slow as we came together. Panting and pushing, loving and lusting, two souls uniting as one. I felt my body give into her and knew I finally complete.
It was the most incredible moment of my life, and everything up until now didn't matter anymore. This woman would be mine. I wasn't having it any other fucking way.I selfishly thought to myself. Although it was terrible to see her broken like this, it was actually the best moment of my life.